I used to live in hotels. Because I thought it was romantic. Or something. I have an idea of how that sounds, so spare me. I can go on here and reveal that I mean I lived “in” them, as in weeks, sometimes months, eventually for over a year, but – trust me – I know how that sounds, so, again, spare me...

i had coffee with NOEL GALLAGHER on november 7th.

my myspace got hacked, add me back
www.myspace.com/tess_is_love

thank you

x

Comment to be added, bitches.

New Dandy Warhols album is absolutly fantastic.
Oooo. And I got cow boy boots. They're made for walking. :O
Fancy that.

I spent the day with Rachel yesterday! Thank god. Two months of not seeing your best friend makes you love them more. You should try it.

Death Cab For Cutie are coming!! On my BIRTHDAY with YOUTH GROUP. Who wants to put on their finest argile with me and cry in the dark corners of the Kool Haus drinking from a flask?

Interpol are coming too. I think that's sold out.

And Franz Ferdinand, which is just like one big orgy with a soundtrack.

And..SUFJAN STEVENS. This man is my life. I'm so excited for this. Download Romulus, fall in love, and then join me.

And Athlete.
Athlete and Matt Pond PA, you know, that band that sings Champagne Supernova.
Well you know what!? I liked them WAY before the OC mainstreamed a lot of good music.

And..The Olsen Twins, my gods, on August 30th.

AND Our Lady OF Peace with Rachel on August 29th. I'm so glad her dreams are coming true like mine did.
I really do think everyone gets a turn for getting whatever they really really really want.

Anyway, life's a SHIT HOLE!!! Don't even ASK.

ParrrrTAY.
Kids, I'm home! Call me, beep me, if you want to reach meh!

OMG..and did you know that DUMBLEDORE DIES!?
Suckas.

I don't care if songs make my heart hurt or I feel infinite all the time.
You just aren't deep and evolved enough to possibly understand.
There's no way for you to comprehend my thoughts, and I won't ask you to try.

Mr. Nose. Jodie Jodie Jodie. -Kayla is fantastic. I'm not really sure if anyone cares but her.

Michelle and Malorie are the only friends I made this summer that I hope I ever see again.

So call me.
I missed you all.

This is my last bit of alone time before camp.

I love it when people post their camp addresses and expect people to write them:


Camp Northland B'nai Brith
Haliburton, On.
KDM 1SO

...but please do. Really, I mean. I'm going away for three weeks, why not write your pal Tess a letter because, you know, she probably misses you just as much as you miss her, and wants to hear from you.

But it's totally cool if you don't. I've got other friends.

The past couple of days SEBASTIAN DAVID GORDON BYERS has been around, and we've been painting the town orange and sea blue and lavender. I love that boy SO so much.
Yes, you!
Tara joined us and there was a Baskin Robins incident, which was, by the way, one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me.


Hand a flower to a stranger, good things will happen. SERIOUSLY.

I met Noel Gallagher. (not again, I just like saying it)

I bought Dad a card for being a really good Dad.
I think I'm a pretty good daughter, because not many other daughter's randomly buy their dad's card for being a good person. And I bought Mom flowers, because she's always edgy.
Calm down, I mean really. There's a certain pace life goes, and her life doesn't have one.
It's just a day to day "I don't want to be here" look on things.
It's a very sad way to live, and I'm sorry she decided to finish off her life this way.

I'll miss her all the same while I'm away. Deep down, I love her very very much.

Part 1
Our power went out last night, which resulted in late night conversations by candlelight and my beliefs and my mom telling me I was wrong and that she was right. Seb sat their quietly and I felt sad.

Part 2
That night, Dad called and I realized it was his last night in Papa's house. Dad spent his very last night in Papa's very empty house yesterday night. I cried and no one saw me cry. I told Dad he should do something special to celebrate.

Part 3
I talked to Dad tonight, and he told me that for his last night, he went to Papa's piano and drank a whole bottle of champagne YEAH!! and started talking to his dad like he was there, and asking him to inspire him. Dad just started playing piano and he just kept on saying on the phone: "It felt so so right. It felt so right." I was really happy to hear this. Dad has really stopped playing piano ever since Papa died, and his last night there, he wrote this incredible song he won't ever remember how to play again.

He fell asleep in the only piece of furniture left.

In the middle of his parent's bed.

:)


Talk about closure, though.

I am so afraid for the day my dad dies.
I will never be ready to miss him.
I can't imagine the way he must feel, missing someone that much.

There are songs that remind me of summer now. I am so so so excited about this. Do you ever feel, when you're listening to these songs that remind you of things, like it's just all meant to be this way?
That you were meant to listen to these songs at that precise moment, just so you could feel that certain way?

I feel that way all the time now. It feels like summer, and I deserve it.

I always seem to forget though, songs are just songs and there are more important things sometimes. Meeting rock stars is not the only thing worthy of my time. Appreciating music is not all that is valuable.

But then again, it really really really is.
And once again, I'm sorry if no one else can ever feel this way about certain things that they can call their passion. Even if it is there passion.

Furthermore:

what is "passion"?


I got caught in the rain listening to Some Might Say by Oasis.
And it just felt so so right.
I wondered whether I should just start running to get out of the rain. It was really really pouring. And then I thought "Nah, I better just walk."

I'm so glad I didn't run.

I love making small decisions that make memories I'll remember forever.
I really find that the memories you don't try to remember are the ones you remember, and they're often really good ones you're really glad you remember and you don't know why.
That one walk in the rain is a memory I'll remember forever.

I think I'll stay up again and watch the sunrise like yesterday.
We're picking up Dad at the airport this morning and then I'm seeing Seb again.
And then I'm getting tea with Paxton of the Beesley.
And then we're all going out for one last family thing before Isabella and I go to camp.
And then Alex and Brad are sleeping over.
And then I'm going.


I remember really liking a song by Michelle Branch called "You Set Me Free".
I don't like it anymore.
Four years later, things change.
I think it's really sad and fortunate I'm not the same Tess I was four years ago.


I think you should expect a new Tess by the end of summer.
I think that's really sad and fortunate.


I really love you guys.
Remember though, life is just...a big sphere. Take it seriously and not-to-seriously, and I think you'll smile more and talk more and cry more and OH TO LOVE more and be more of a human the way humans should be.

I miss you already.
I

 know you love me, 


                                                            gossip girl.

                                                             woops!
                                                              Tess

It's a rainy day. I like those and I hate those.
I like listening to burning music at 3am and just lying in bed and playing an unplugged electric guitar because I am just such a rockstar.

I wish people didn't look like other people, because it just makes everyone else feel sad and unoriginal, and that's a sad feeling to feel.
Little James, we're all the same.

It's really sad because everything has already been done.
Kicking the heart out.

Hey, are you lonely? Summer gone so slowly.
Summer is slow and fast and boring and exciting and hot and cold and sad and happy. I wish summer felt more like summer should. I hope it does soon before it's too late.

I continue to be impressed with everything and everyone (and you and yours and mine).

I wake up late and go to bed late. I need to start watching the sunrise. I haven't been making enough effort.

I'm indifferent about this one.

I wish the words to songs didn't make my heart swell.
But you're alive, but it's only.

I miss all of the memories I own. It bothers me to think about them. It's like, what's done is done and it was wonderful, but now it just pains me to think that none of it may ever ever happen again.
Holding hands and holding hearts.

Tess just makes everything happen, and I'm proud of her.

I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy.  And I'm only one person.

I look like a poser-esque jap in this picture just happened to be holding a guitar.




....and then after i cut it

and tess now...

Haha..yeah, i don't know what that is.

ahaha...I'm telling myself a secret.


I'm HEARING myself tell a secret.

That's the way I smile at my living grandparents.





So, it's 3AM.
My summer sadness is officially gone. I don't even know what the hell that was. It's so beautiful outside, wtf!? Why was I complaining.
DOUBLE YOU TEA EFF.

Gosh.

I have PLANS. Like, real ones. With REAL people.
And the last couple of days have been full of friends and sisters and playgrounds and lying..to various people. And having late conversations with people I enjoy.

When Dad was in Winnipeg. The lights flickered in Papa's kitchen. First of all, these lights are connected in series, but only ONE light flickered, WHICH is impossible. When Dad was a kid and wanted privacy downstairs with his friends, Papa would always flicker the lights when he was about to come down. I mean, there's just no other excuse. It has to be Papa behind it.

Last night when Dad came to pick me up, we were listening to the radio, some rock station, I don't know. But anyway, next thing we know, we're listening to classical music and none of us had touched the dial.
We just sat there, with tears in our eyes talking like Papa was in the car with us.

It is just so nice to know, that perhaps, contrary to what I had said before, there is such thing as something else.

I miss old Tess.